JUST FOR YOU!
The Art of Double-Dating
It's odd but so very true: When you and your partner go out with another couple, it almost feels
like the two of you are dating them. Sure, you're not planning on having sex
with KATE and MIKEL after dinner and a movie, but back at home, you'll probably
ask your partner, "Think they liked us?" or "Can you believe
they only chipped in on a third of the bill!" And you can bet your next
month salary that Kate and Mikel are saying similar things about you.
"Double-dating always seems easy and fun," says Josey
Vogels, author of Dating: A Survival Guide from the Frontlines.
"But things can get really complicated really quickly. Insecurities,
weirdness, touchy issues and even attractions can crop up with four people as
easily as with two." Whether you're a Double Dating pro or just a beginner, these tips will totally
prepare you to sidestep any doubles troubles.
Double-Dating Do's & Don'ts #1
Double-Dating Do: Knowing their tastes
Yes, we know you and Honeybear love Chinese food, but before you make reservations, ask the other couple if they have any no-no cuisines. You don't want to put them in black pepper hell, do you? Here's a good equation: "The longer you've been going out with a certain couple, the more adventurous the restaurant can be," says Jennifer Worick, coauthor of The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Dating and Sex. So if it's your first time out, "go to a place you're all familiar with or that at least serves familiar food so you can focus on getting to know one another," Worick says. And for the love of all things good, don't push 'em to share group dishes -- it may skeeve out the other couple to have to pick from the same plate as you.
Yes, we know you and Honeybear love Chinese food, but before you make reservations, ask the other couple if they have any no-no cuisines. You don't want to put them in black pepper hell, do you? Here's a good equation: "The longer you've been going out with a certain couple, the more adventurous the restaurant can be," says Jennifer Worick, coauthor of The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Dating and Sex. So if it's your first time out, "go to a place you're all familiar with or that at least serves familiar food so you can focus on getting to know one another," Worick says. And for the love of all things good, don't push 'em to share group dishes -- it may skeeve out the other couple to have to pick from the same plate as you.
Double-Dating Don't: Pushing them to spend
"It's easy to pick a dinner spot that sounds fun without realizing the prices are higher than the other couple's usual budget allows, making them majorly uncomfortable," says Vogels. And when the tables are turned and you're forced to pay more than you want to, it's even worse. "Check in with the other woman and ask, 'Is everything cool with this choice?' says Vogels. "One of you will say whether you or your male counterpart has a cash problem or make up some excuse to pass. Then you two can pick another place, and nobody is embarrassed." Another tip: Coordinate your dinner plans by email, says Worick. "Send them Web links about restaurants, so they can get an idea of the price without you explicitly telling them."
"It's easy to pick a dinner spot that sounds fun without realizing the prices are higher than the other couple's usual budget allows, making them majorly uncomfortable," says Vogels. And when the tables are turned and you're forced to pay more than you want to, it's even worse. "Check in with the other woman and ask, 'Is everything cool with this choice?' says Vogels. "One of you will say whether you or your male counterpart has a cash problem or make up some excuse to pass. Then you two can pick another place, and nobody is embarrassed." Another tip: Coordinate your dinner plans by email, says Worick. "Send them Web links about restaurants, so they can get an idea of the price without you explicitly telling them."
NUMBER 2
Double-Dating Do's & Don'ts #2
Double-Dating Do: Seeing a flick first
Sometimes your guy sets up a dinner date with his dear buddy Ben, and Ben's girlfriend is as exciting as a pita pocket. Your strategy: "Go to a movie so you're limiting the face-to-face contact and the pressure of talking," says Worick. With a little Matt Damon or Martin Scorsese to chat about, Pita may suddenly get interesting.
Sometimes your guy sets up a dinner date with his dear buddy Ben, and Ben's girlfriend is as exciting as a pita pocket. Your strategy: "Go to a movie so you're limiting the face-to-face contact and the pressure of talking," says Worick. With a little Matt Damon or Martin Scorsese to chat about, Pita may suddenly get interesting.
Double-Dating Don't: Uber-reminiscing
"It's a real danger when two of you have a connection that the other two don't share, like if you are old girlfriends and you are bringing your boyfriends along to meet," says Vogels. "You also have to be careful when you invite a coworker out. Yapping all night about the office will put the other two people to sleep."
"It's a real danger when two of you have a connection that the other two don't share, like if you are old girlfriends and you are bringing your boyfriends along to meet," says Vogels. "You also have to be careful when you invite a coworker out. Yapping all night about the office will put the other two people to sleep."
NUMBER 3
Double-Dating Do's & Don'ts #3
Double-Dating Do: Being adventurous
If you're tight with the other twosome, try something besides a typical restaurant. "Go to an afternoon baseball game -- something the guys will be engaged in," says Worick. Or kidnap them for a picnic, says Vogels. "Surprise them with a spread that you and your guy (or the other girl) prepared. Say to dress casual and not eat beforehand, but don't give them more clues."
If you're tight with the other twosome, try something besides a typical restaurant. "Go to an afternoon baseball game -- something the guys will be engaged in," says Worick. Or kidnap them for a picnic, says Vogels. "Surprise them with a spread that you and your guy (or the other girl) prepared. Say to dress casual and not eat beforehand, but don't give them more clues."
Double-Dating Don't: Overswilling when there's sex in the air
What, you? Flirt with the company? Believe it, baby, especially when you've been slurping down the merlot. "Some people, when they drink a lot, it's like watch out!" says Worick. Strange things can slip out at the table, even hands. "If this is the case, make sure that the other date of the opposite sex is not sitting next to you," Worick says. "You could wind up throwing an arm around the back of your chair, facing that person and shutting the other two out."
What, you? Flirt with the company? Believe it, baby, especially when you've been slurping down the merlot. "Some people, when they drink a lot, it's like watch out!" says Worick. Strange things can slip out at the table, even hands. "If this is the case, make sure that the other date of the opposite sex is not sitting next to you," Worick says. "You could wind up throwing an arm around the back of your chair, facing that person and shutting the other two out."
NUMBER 4
Double-Dating Do's & Don'ts #4
Double-Dating Do: Creating a secret language with your guy
"It's good for you and your man to have a prearranged routine for dates," Vogels says. "You can create signals so that in sticky situations, you can communicate things without being obvious about it." Worick suggests nailing down around five little codes, like when you start making circles with your wineglass, it means "Let's wrap this up; I'm getting tired" or "Please change the subject."
"It's good for you and your man to have a prearranged routine for dates," Vogels says. "You can create signals so that in sticky situations, you can communicate things without being obvious about it." Worick suggests nailing down around five little codes, like when you start making circles with your wineglass, it means "Let's wrap this up; I'm getting tired" or "Please change the subject."
Double-Dating Don't: Getting too personal
No asking about how much they pay for rent or when they're getting engaged, and bite your tongue about top-secret info. "If you know a ton about your girlfriend's relationship, it's easy to let things slip, like 'Oh yeah, Farrah was telling me about how you pulled your groin in bed last week' or 'So, Adam, I hear you're applying for a new job!'" says Worick. "He may not think you know as much about their relationship as you actually do, and even if it's not something racy, people become annoyed when they know you know stuff about them that they didn't tell you."
No asking about how much they pay for rent or when they're getting engaged, and bite your tongue about top-secret info. "If you know a ton about your girlfriend's relationship, it's easy to let things slip, like 'Oh yeah, Farrah was telling me about how you pulled your groin in bed last week' or 'So, Adam, I hear you're applying for a new job!'" says Worick. "He may not think you know as much about their relationship as you actually do, and even if it's not something racy, people become annoyed when they know you know stuff about them that they didn't tell you."
NUMBER 5
Double-Dating Do's & Don'ts #5
Double-Dating Do: Leaving on a high note
Let's say the vibe has been so good the whole evening that you wind up back at the other couple's pad for a nightcap (sluts!). "Before your hosts begin signaling that you're overstaying your welcome, say something like 'Well, we'll let you guys go to bed,'" says Vogels. "They may say, 'Oh no, no, it's okay,' but at least you're giving them an out."
Let's say the vibe has been so good the whole evening that you wind up back at the other couple's pad for a nightcap (sluts!). "Before your hosts begin signaling that you're overstaying your welcome, say something like 'Well, we'll let you guys go to bed,'" says Vogels. "They may say, 'Oh no, no, it's okay,' but at least you're giving them an out."
Double Dating Don't: Stalking them
Oh, you laugh -- but it's easy to do. "It's like that episode of Friends where Monica and Chandler met another couple on the plane returning from their honeymoon," explains Vogels. "They're all excited to have this new couple-friend, but the couple-friend isn't all that into seeing them again. Monica screams, 'Why don't these people like us? We are so great!'" Cut the cord, woman. "If they don't return your calls for a while or say they're busy all the time, don't keep inviting them out," says Vogels. "It's like dating: Sometimes people have two different versions of reality, so if you're getting the brush-off, just accept it and let it go." There are more couple-fish in the sea (sniff, sniff).
Oh, you laugh -- but it's easy to do. "It's like that episode of Friends where Monica and Chandler met another couple on the plane returning from their honeymoon," explains Vogels. "They're all excited to have this new couple-friend, but the couple-friend isn't all that into seeing them again. Monica screams, 'Why don't these people like us? We are so great!'" Cut the cord, woman. "If they don't return your calls for a while or say they're busy all the time, don't keep inviting them out," says Vogels. "It's like dating: Sometimes people have two different versions of reality, so if you're getting the brush-off, just accept it and let it go." There are more couple-fish in the sea (sniff, sniff).
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