Its a new dawn, and I am here and ver much alive, all thanks to God, the universe still knows I am here, I matter and I still exist.
Woke up as early as I could today because I had to go say good morning to my mum at her and dads resting place. So like a normal typical environmental Thursday, everywhere felt like rapture had take, well my literal meaning to that is everywhere was peaceful and queit.
Headed to the office, clocked in my time at 7 am for the day then I zoomed off to go say hi to Ammamamia and Smart O! The true loves of my life.
On my way back, something struck me like a lightning bolt! The thoughts plaguing my mind was all about how some friends sent condolence messages across to me and this is what inspired my blog post for today.
So, if you ever want to learn how to console someone who just lost a loved one, this is where you need to be. First off, I will share what few persons said to me that didnt make any senses and also share what most people didnt do and what most people did that either was commendable or ticked me off.
To my lovely colleagues, some felt it was a time of weakness for me and wanted to pry on the fact I lost my mother as an opportunity to either try to squash a beef (Which is perfectly normal), some felt it was the best time to make the Obi Cubanna mothers burial a joke (Yup! The how many cows did you kill joke, as the popular Nigerian Business Man killed over 216 cows during his aged mothers burial, but jokes on him cos my mother was 67), some colleagues didn't feel the need to call at all and just showed up at my mothers funeral (Those ones actually, they did try), some didnt call, didnt text, didnt show up and didnt even say sorry for your loss (These are the real MVP's, who actually care - less), and some thought it was a good time to discuss business (Afterall, my Mama Don Die, life goes on, I should respect that but the way in which it was done is the problem and the time it was done is another problem).
To my lovely friends, some tried for me, they sent money, messages, calls and texts, some even showed up at the funeral, people like Phenom, Aimhie Odin,and Joy Eki Akpan who showed up really made me know at least I did some good in life, then big up to XP Baba, Uncle Shaun of Shaunz Bar, Mr. Bola, Cinematics, Kwame and Jumabee and my Brother inlaw Henry, these guys didn't only support me financially but they also supported me physically and emotionally.
To my "they think we are friends friends" in quotes, I see una o. These ones, some till now act like they never saw my post about my late mum, some genuingly did not know what to say and I understand, some kept calling (atleaset dem try) but that gimmics of them saying oh I wanted to come for the funeral, yal got to stop that, I never even wanted fake people at my mums burial, just the real ones, but as it turned out, even half my mothers friends who came were my mothers worst nightmares, so who am I to even feel some type of way, when my Mother told me that not everybody is your friend, she was not joking fam, and now I see clearly.
Anyway, I am wiser now, my smiles are reserved for only when its necessary, my tears are reserved only for my mother, and my never quiting persona is reserved only for those who care to behold it.
Haven typed all these categories of people I experienced, I now need to share my two cents with you on how I feel you should console someone who has lost a loved one.
The Best Things to Say/Do to Someone in Grief
1. If you have no words, just shut up.
Instead of saying things you can not take back, just head to the persons instagram post (If they put up any) click like and drop som white heart emojis, it feels more comforting trust me than typing trash or saying trash like "My mother too died in 2012, like dude, this moment is for the person, help them heal, rather say things you did to help them get through the times they are faced with)
2. Never try to crack a dry joke.
Mothers no matter how old, when they pass on to glory hurts to the soul! They are the source of replenishing the earth, they are a part of our very existence, never try to make mockery out of their demise as my colleague did. Yes they may be trying to lighting the atmosphere up but remember, when they die, the child left behing is still greiving and may have even have a psychotic breakdown if care is not taken, you will not blame what they do to you in the advent of you saying silly remarks. Rather, be nice and as well as number 1, either shut of, or just say, "I am sorry for your loss", Period!
3. Try Kind gestures.
No matter what has happened, gifts have a way of brigthening sad, dull and emotional people. I remember seeing a friend who lost her dad receive flowers, gift items and more, it made her snap back quickly, thes gifts may be material things to you but for that person who has lost a loved one, it shows them some sort of comfort. Try this instead.
4. Use These Simple words according to greif.com
The Best Things to Say to Someone in Grief
1. I am so sorry for your loss.
2. I wish I had the right words, just know I care.
3. I don’t know how you feel, but I am here to help in any way I can.
4. You and your loved one will be in my thoughts and prayers.
5. My favorite memory of your loved one is…
6. I am always just a phone call away
7. Give a hug instead of saying something
8. We all need help at times like this, I am here for you
9. I am usually up early or late, if you need anything
10. Saying nothing, just be with the person
The Worst Things to Say to Someone in Grief
1. At least she lived a long life, many people die young
2. He is in a better place
3. She brought this on herself
4. There is a reason for everything
5. Aren’t you over him yet, he has been dead for awhile now
6. You can have another child still
7. She was such a good person God wanted her to be with him
8. I know how you feel
9. She did what she came here to do and it was her time to go
10. Be strong
Done with todays blogging, will be back soon, till then, please and please, be kind to one another. See yal later alligators.
Bamidele V. Osagie
For
Vien007
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